Feeling pressured to get laid and be straight.

It seems to be a commonly held belief that straight men are under tremendous pressure to “score” and have sex all the time.  In fact, when people talk about the difficulties that men face, being pressured to get laid is often mentioned.  (It’s number twenty-two on this list.)

Funny thing is, I’ve never felt pressured to have sex, or shamed because I didn’t.  In fact the exact opposite is true.  I’ve often felt pressure to not express my sexuality.  And so I always scratch my head when I hear that straight men are under such awful pressure to have sex all the time.  It’s as though there’s a phantom group of toughies with leather jackets and greasy hair, visible to everyone but myself, who’ve been following me around all this time and chiding me for not getting enough pussy.

Another common idea is that straight men live in morbid fear that they might be gay.  And this doesn’t ring true either.  I don’t doubt that Dan Savage gets a lot of mail from straight men asking “does this make me gay?”, but I’d say those letter writers are a rather self-selected group, and that most straight men, especially more educated men, don’t spend much time worrying about this.  How else to explain men’s apparent enthusiasm for “pegging?”

In the clip below, Dan Savage says that a lot of straight men are sexually miserable.  True enough.  But then he seems to imply that nearly all of this unhappiness stems from men’s fear of being gay.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I think he’s doing us all a favor by telling straight men to relax and quit worrying about being gay.  But for most men, homophobic sexual hang-ups are not the main cause of their sexual misery, and to imply that they are is something of an evasion.

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3 Responses to Feeling pressured to get laid and be straight.

  1. doug says:

    i would not look for insight into the life of straight men from Dan Savage.

  2. Danny says:

    “Funny thing is, I’ve never felt pressured to have sex, or shamed because I didn’t. In fact the exact opposite is true. I’ve often felt pressure to not express my sexuality. And so I always scratch my head when I hear that straight men are under such awful pressure to have sex all the time.”

    Actually I think both can happen. In the culture that we have straight guys are supposed to be on the neverending quest for the nookie. But at the same time as you point out male heterosexuality is often portrayed as predatory, violent, and therefore dirty. It is a matter of mixed signals but I think it is very possible that either message can get drilled into any given straight guy’s head.

    I noted something similar in a past post:
    “So apparently we are supposed to be extremely picky and selective about the people we find sexually attractive to the point that we exhibit all sorts if -ist behaviors but at the same time we’re supposed to be so overcome with lust that we just can’t stop ourselves from shoving our cocks in any and every pussy we come across even when our “partner” doesn’t want to engage in sexual activity.”

    There are a lot of mixed messages going on in our culture.

  3. jessiepeace says:

    I enjoyed that video. And your post. It was quite insightful.

    We should all just come to terms that people and sexuality is fluent and it doesn’t matter what you are, just be happy and be yourself.

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